Purposeful life changes don’t make everybody feel better

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What is your real motivation for change? How courageously are you willing to invest into taking off for the adventure of change and growth? Would it be even worth for you to sacrifice popularity in existing relationships? A scenario for a (test) discussion.

If you are wondering whether you are ready to implement changes in your life, the following discussion with family and friends could provide you with useful feedback on how it might affect your relationships too. If you have already implemented life change(s), it is worth being attentive to different relationships’ further development and drawing the right conclusions from.

Discussion step 1

Discuss with people who know you since a longer time that

  • you are intending to (or have) quit your job and now you want to dedicate (or are dedicating) your time to think about what next. Therefore
  • you wouldn’t (or didn’t) have secured the next safe harbor, i.e. job yet. (Assumption: the investment in this path doesn’t impose an unfair burden to anybody within current commitments though). You’re going this consequent way because you feel that
  • you have a higher purpose, for which you are willing to invest for whatever it takes. E.g., engaging fully in the human condition and empowering others for more happiness in life, dedicating your time to help people in need.
    • The discussion (or revelation) can also be held in an even earlier stage of the change, when the current mere feeling of un-fulfillment or meaninglessness is already well identified, the specific purpose hasn’t yet clearly developed though.

The vision’s uncompromising character, as well as the real impact on required change of the current professional and possibly also private situation, such as economic investment and potential loss of authority and status, are intentional messages.

Step 1 evaluation: Observe attentively the reactions. Listen to the messages. How do they feel? What questions are you asked and how useful are they for you?

Discussion step 2

Adding the following may reveal some further details and qualities of reactions. Expand the discussion scenario with the following:

  •  you most probably have to live for only a couple of years anymore.

For example a three years time frame may serve the test case well by putting the importance of time sufficiently into a new perspective, while still allowing enough time for meaningful personal growth.

Step 2 evaluation: Compared to step 1, are reactions changing? How?

Reflection

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. – Leo Tolstoy

If applying an open mind, the results may not be interpreted as black or white. There can be different motivations behind any reaction.For example, good friends say bad things to your face. Don’t mistake a suggestion regarding a necessary planning adjustment with being asked to give up your dream.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. – Elisabeth Foley

Although there is a saying that goes “people don’t change, they reveal who they really are,” don’t accuse people for being surprised by your vision as they may just have taken your personality as a stable fact to date. However, there is always room for everybody’s right to grow.

Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better. – Mason Cooley

Not every one will love your vision and plan for change. Change involves uncertainty and therefore requires massive courage. People may be afraid of reflecting on their willingness to give up on perceived security to gain their true self too and therefore may stick to their comforting life style. In case of seeming indifference, assume that others are just doing their best according to their level of consciousness. Do remind yourself that you did protect concepts of yours too.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. – Jack Kornfield

Seeing ones true purpose and believing it to the point to be ready for action takes time. So take your time.To take time for understanding and loving yourself doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you strong enough to thrive, for the benefit of all.

Stay true to your self and enjoy every step on the journey. That prevents also disappointments in the case expectations on progress were set too high. Grow towards becoming a better person, even when it is not trendy. That way you’ll keep and improve existing relationships and gain new ones that make you happy.

Conclusion

The above considerations should have given you some insight into your real motivation for change, whether it is worth for you to sacrifice some popularity in existing relationships, and whether you are really open and courageous enough to take off for the adventure of change. Besides your relationship to yourself, the reactions of your closest people may challenge your balancing of goals and your strength to navigate these with confidence, together with existing and new relationships.

What’s your experience?

About mathias sager

Welcome to the 'Happy Colorful Growth' way of life I am thinking and writing for happiness, painting colorfully, and enabling personal growth for all. If people can be touched at the heart level, peace will ensue. I value co-operative and humanitarian principles, economic and social equality, as well as environmental sustainability. Important personal characteristics are my broad international experience and progressive, egalitarian and global outlook, as well as my social commitment.
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2 Responses to Purposeful life changes don’t make everybody feel better

  1. A really interesting piece. Making big life changes is something I have been experiencing, creating endings to create space for new beginnings. You are so right when you say that the vision that presents itself to you as you grow closer to your true self and purpose is uncompromising – the compromises you are prepared to make in the face of this rising energy will inevitably be the manuscript you write for the rest of your life. So courage and a little stubborn commitment are required. Hopefully, as you also say, not to the detriment or dismay of those who love you.

    • Nice to hear your experiences. Courage and commitment are indeed necessary. And understanding. I do not blame people who cannot follow my moves. It’s also my task to explain well and to accept that not everybody is keen to look into the mirror others’ life stories represent. Happy to be connected and looking forward reading and discussing more. All the best!

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