Such an important message! An example of a mother who did, through a lot of self-reflection and awareness, break the vicious cycle of abuse. The informative general article propagates that, for example, the emotional abuse happening in Paternal Alienation (depriving a child of a parent after the separation of the parents) and other kinds of child abuse, don’t have to repeat. The article believes in the possibility that a parent, even with its frustrating history and circumstances, can control his/her behavior in the interest of the child.
For further information, see https://mathias-sager.com/2017/05/31/recognizing-the-parental-alienation-syndrome-pas/
Original article, blog, and community can be found at www.youroutervoice.com
When you are abused as a child you tend to carry some of the hurt and anger with you into adulthood. This is what causes a never-ending cycle of abuse and can be carried out in different ways. You can abuse yourself, friends, a significant other or even your own children. When this happens the abuse attaches to another person which in return is attached to another and so on and and so forth.
While this can most certainly be an unfortunate outcome it does not have to be. You have more control over this than you may think. All it really takes is a lot of self-reflection and self-awareness. If and when you recognize you are reflecting abusive behavior, stop and analyze what you are doing. Promise yourself that you will never do it again, apologize to whom you have abused, and most importantly forgive yourself. The hardest part is getting through your denial as this is so often the first reaction you can have out of defense especially when someone you care about tells you that your are abusive.
According to Childhelp.org during one case study it was found that 80% of 21-year-olds that reported child abuse met the criteria for at least one psychological disorder. This is proof that childhood abuse greatly impacts the chances of developing into a healthy, well-adjusted adult.
If you were sexually, physically or emotionally abused as a child then there is a very high chance that you will repeat the same abusive behavior you experienced towards your own children. This is where the never ending vicious cycle of child abuse carries on and will continue until it is stopped. You can stop the cycle by recognizing what abusive behavior is and to make it a priority to never repeat what was done to you in any way, shape or form. Of course with extreme cases, such as sexual abuse, it would be best to seek professional help.
Coming from my own experience, I would catch myself at times repeating some of the emotional abusive behavior I experienced as a child towards my own children. It scared me when I recognized what I was doing and I immediately stopped the behavior, but most importantly I apologized to my children, hugged them and promised I would never do it again.
If you are concerned that you might be continuing the vicious cycle of abusive onto your children here are some common abusive traits to look for.
- Constantly criticizing your child for little things.
- Physically or verbally threaten your child.
- You threaten the child not to tell anyone.
- People have told you that you get angry when drinking alcohol.
- You destroy your child’s toys in front of them as punishment.
- You have clenched teeth or hands when reprimanding your child.
- Your child cowers or flinches when you make sudden movement towards them.
- Your child rarely seeks your affection or avoids being around you.
- You feel a surge of rage when you witness your child doing something wrong.
- You yell or scream at your child.
- Your first instinct is to hit your child to teach them a lesson.
- You accuse or reprimand your child for things you think they might do.
- You isolate your child from family.
- You withhold affection from your child or are emotionally distant.
- You are easily irritated when hearing your child laugh or speak.
- You don’t allow your child to be who they are and try to mold them into who you want them to be.
- You encourage your child to be aggressive towards other children.
- You encourage, condone or make excuses for your child’s bad behavior or manners.
- You have unhealthy sexual boundaries or thoughts towards your children.
- You expose your child to dangerous environments.
Recognizing abusive behavior is the first step to stopping what you are doing and ending the vicious cycle of child abuse. You have all of the control and strength to do this without question. So, let’s do what we can starting today to raise happy, well adjusted children because they are our future.