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Trauriger Papa

9 Kommentare

mathias-sager-sad-painting-20161225

Having a dead dad
Is sad
Having no dad
Though he isn’t dead
Is even sadder as it didn’t had
To be that way if it was said
The truth about how sad
Instead
He is your loving dad

For my daughter, all children who miss their fathers, and all sad dads suffering from the socially perpetuated uncritical assumption that mothers are naturally and socially predestined to be the (sole) caregivers for a couple’s children, which doesn’t base on scientific findings. Although a family’s benefit from paternal involvement in child rearing has been demonstrated, “maternal gate-keeping” has persisted to be a controlling practice by mothers hindering the participation of the children’s fathers.

//mathias-sager.com/2017/03/02/relational-aggression-in-the-form-of-maternal-gatekeeping/

  • Likewise is the terrible judgment on mothers when they chose to have their children live more with the fathers. What you said is absolutely true, but the world out there will crucify a woman who willingly “gives up” her children. And mothers will tear themselves down as being less than whole, despite knowing that they made the right choice to let children live with their father.

    • Hi and many thanks for that great comment. You describe very well the flip side of the coin. It is really about equality as any one-sided gender role convention bears the risk of putting unnecessary pressure or discrimination on either side. Appreciate you bringing in this balancing discussion. All the best!

  • I experienced one side as a child myself (being kept away from one of my fathers) and watched my stepbrothers being kept away from our family by their mother. In the Netherlands children are allowed to be heard in court by the age of 12, but I truly believe children (as soon as they are able to speak) should be involved. In a way without no pressure to choose sides, but at least ask if they would like to be around both parents. Adults should do everything possible to make that happen.

    • Hi, Patty. Sorry, to hear your possibly mixed experience and I hope it also had some “made me stronger” effects nonetheless. Thanks for your excellent suggestion to ask children themselves. They should be asked, on a repeated basis best. However, regarding very young children, situational factors (for example spending already much more time with one parent) and conscious and unconscious influences, could have an overwhelming and un-comforting effect on them in a way that they will answer out of concern or they repeat things parrot-fashion. Children want to have both parents anyway; that is natural. Therefore, as you say too, it is the adult’s responsibility to, beyond their romantic relationship problems, for example, find a fair, equal solution to ensure a child can keep an emotional relationship with both his mother and father.